in a sepia tone aww yeah.
Location: Mansfield, PA
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1927 Max Erhmann
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Strive to be happy.
our depression is our lives
Tuesday. 5.23.06 10:02 pm
Haha! Despite the depressing quote at the top, this is really not an unhappy blog. Boring maybe, but I don't feed the baby birds, so I don't care. :)
Work started last Monday. It's a routine: get up at 6:30, work from 8-4ish, come back, free time till about midnight. Not such a horrible way to spend the summer, honestly. My coworkers are decently cool and we seemed to gel okay, so there's no real tension there. The work is boring though, because there isn't much of it and we kinda just dick around while we're doing it. But everything gets done, which is the point.
I've found myself with a lot of free time in the evenings lately, too. This is usually welcomed but I've been having a lot of trouble finding things to do. I really want to read The Da Vinci Code and see the movie, to hear what people are talking about. I like being up to date on cultural stuff anymore.
The band hasn't been practicing much; we've been taking a break since our last few gigs were real hurried and kinda rocky. We really need a place where we can just blast our faces off with no worries about whether we're upsetting the sensibilities of the place we're playing, or each other, and we need to start adopting a less apathetic mode to our practicing. I've been feeling like an ass lately because all we can do is just plug through 40 new songs a practice, and lately the band members have been expressing to me how much they don't like hearing drums sometimes. Now I can forgive that most of the time; they're mostly joking and it's all in good fun. But I put a lot of fucking work into making that CD of ours sound good, and I put a lot of work into making myself a flexible and open member of the band, and I get tired of hearing how much my instrument sucks and how I play too loud.
God DAMN. If another person says, hey, quiet down on the drums, I'm going to hey, slice open their face with a spaghetti maker and pour garlic in the wounds. Fuck off, all of you. I play loud because playing loud is effortless. Don't ever try and tell me my drum technique is wrong because I've spent a lot of time working on it to get people to tell me it's right.
Okay, now that that's off my chest. I don't mind being told that I have to do something different, but I am real sensitive about how people say it to me sometimes. Perhaps I should endeavor to change that, as I'm almost certain most people don't mean it as a personal attack. Why should it bug me when it doesn't necessarily have to?
Anyway, getting back on topic here.
I have a lot of free time at night and I've noticed that I have a lot of free time at work to think about what I want to do at night. I don't have a lot of money and I don't want to spend the stuff that I do, so most of the time I sit on my computer and try and learn new things about recording audio, or write lyrics, or play games or something. Sometimes I ride my bike, sometimes I talk to people, and sometimes I just sit around. There's kind of this weird emptiness to it, like I'm not doing something I should be doing, or I'm not talking to people I should be talking to.
I've really been sympathizing a lot with Chicken lately, too. He talks to me a lot about how work is really pointless and stupid and I definitely see where he's coming from. After all, none of the work either of us do is going to solve any global or domestic problems, and certainly if we stopped doing what we do, the world would keep turning. No doubt about it. But the problem I see with that is that he's setting his scope too high. We're not supposed to worry so much about the work we're doing, only that it's something everyone has to do so that we can have the means to do exactly what we want to do. I don't want to work in IT because I like working in IT; I do so because I'm good at it and it makes me money that I can use to pay the bills, or buy food for my house, or buy recording equipment, or go to the bar and have some drinks with my friends. That stuff is so much more valuable than the work I do. The only consideration I have to make is that what I do makes other people's work easier, and they are working for the same reasons I am. I can't understand people who are their jobs unless they magically found some way to do exactly what they want to do and get paid for it.
Though, again, what is music to me anyway? I deserve to make a living off of what I do with music, so I guess that last statement has to have some nuance to it. Whatever.
The point is, it's something we need to do. I feel like I understand the plight of the middle class now more than ever. The boring routine is enough to kill a person, which is why it is so damn important that we make every second we haven't sold to our employers matter. People sometimes tell me that I am a little less cautious about spending money than I should be, and while it is true, the only reason I'm doing so is because I don't want to get sucked into that void - the one that the constant societal emotional assault I've talked about so much in my last few blogs has been browbeating people into. So I take my roommate out for dinner every once in a while and I have a few more beers than I should at the bar. Whatever. The company is far more valuable than the cost.
Because all we have left in this world is each other.
I've been listening to a lot of Bill Hicks lately. God that guy was a genius. I swear to god, sometimes I listen to his comedy and I just get blown away by how much I agree with like everything he says. He cycles between utter misanthropic despair to this total universal hope for all of humanity. Sometimes I feel like we are kindred spirits, Bill and I.
In this time of substitute
It's my needs I've answered to
And all the hope that I invest
Turns to signals of distress
Goodnight folks. :)
Rate this entry!
I've got a copy of The Da Vinci Code somewhere around here. I'll let you borrow it next time I manage my way north.
» Reizar on 2006-06-20 03:49:52
When are you coming back? :(
» little-b on 2006-08-18 06:33:48
Your blog is hard to read
» lyndeep on 2007-06-06 11:22:02
First off your drumming rawks...deff a trait of your s that well you aren't you unless you are drumming on something...my kitchen table your leg...etc. As far as the band not practicing it sounds as if they are all in love with htere own sound and not the bands one uniformed badass sound. Secondly chiken is right to a point granted the work most of us do is pointless in the grand scope of things but you have to think from this side if you didn't wokr you life would then be point less
you would have no money nothing to gripe about or direct you ill feelings and contempt at. so work balances things PLAY TIME......work(bleh) if you eat steak all the time it gets old just like if you never work it gets old. Thirdly free time does kinda suck but to tell you the truth some times i like just being bored out of my mind like we used to when we would get snowed in and beat the hell out of each other all day on soul caliber.
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